Which Voice Are You Listening To??

For years I believed that my ex-husband's abuse and adultery were my fault; that his sins and choices were my responsibility. If only I had been a better wife, a better lover, a better person...
The voice of shame accused me of failure at every turn.

The day he left, he said, "No one will ever want a woman with four children!" 

And the voice of shame agreed!

“He would have stayed if you were someone worth staying for,”  I was taunted by the voice of shame.

“It's all your fault that your oldest son became a drug addict. You are a terrible mother!” I was accused, by the condemning voice of shame again.

I was tossed around by the stormy waves of life...

Snapper Rocks, Gold Coast, QLD

For a long time, I believed these lies! I felt unworthy, unwanted, unlovable, unacceptable and judged.

I felt the shame of my marriage failing, the shame of being a single mother, the shame of my life not going according to my dreams...

Through another situation in a Christian workplace, I allowed people to take advantage of me; because I still didn't know my value and worth in God, and as a person.

I worked very hard through prayer with my pastors, and through counselling with my psychologist to come to the realisation and acceptance that the accusations and feelings of shame were totally unfounded and untrue.
I am NOT responsible for the choices of others... I am only responsible for my own actions and   choices.

I know I am not perfect, however I also know that I made the right choice to raise my children on my own. Our home was a safe haven; a place of love, acceptance, laughter, peace, joy and wonderful memories. My children were happier and more settled.

The voice of shame seeks to belittle and destroy us.

However, the voice of Truth seeks to build us up and speak life into us!

Sunset looking across the Blackall Ranges from Kondalilla National Park, QLD

I recently read an article on this very topic. These words really spoke to me:

"God whispers to the hearts of His beloved: Don’t pay attention to those feelings of shame — they don’t belong to you. Shame is nothing more than the scheme of darkness.

The author of Revelation refers to Satan as 'the accuser' for good reason. One of his nastiest tricks is to blame the inflicted for sin committed against them. He pummels our minds and hearts with twisted condemnations wanting to shift our focus away from our hope in Christ."

Sunset on the Hastings River, Port Macquarie, NSW

The voice of Truth gives us peace, hope, comfort, purpose and so much more. It seeks to encourage and not condemn.


Linking up with these memes:

                        

                       

Bless Them Anyway

A very wise friend of mine recently encouraged me to respond to a very negative situation in a different way. After sharing with her a very angry message I received by text, her advice was;

"Allow their words to fall to the ground as dead seeds that cannot take root." 

I was encouraged to look beyond the behaviour and words, to the pain these people are feeling (I was aware of their pain, but it had nothing to do with me).
As the saying goes, "Hurting people hurt people."     Isn't that the truth!

It's incredible how much my friend's words touched my heart. I was understandably deeply hurt by their message, however I chose to respond in love; I chose not to react to their anger, as it wasn't about me. Instead I chose to pray blessing on them. I chose to pray that God would soften their hearts and break down their walls of hurt. I still choose to pray blessing on them, because they need to be blessed.

 

  

"But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who falsely accuse you and persecute you," ~ Matthew 5:44  

Linking up with these memes:

            

Seeking Him, Seeking Life

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” 
 - Matthew 6:33, NIV

How beautiful are these mountain layers at sunset??!!
Looking towards The Blackall Ranges from Kondalilla National Park, Sunshine Coast Hinterland, QLD.

Sunset looking across the Blackall Ranges from Kondalilla National Park, QLD

Over the last few weeks I have had a number of new scans with a couple of unpleasant diagnosis. It has served as a reminder that I need to:
- Continue to seek God more,
- Rely on my own strength less,
- Continue to focus on the things I am grateful for and,
- Allow Him to take care of the rest.

Sunset & mountain layers of the Blackall Ranges, QLD

Continuing to count my gratitudes...

301.  The beginnings of restoring relationship with my youngest step-daughter, and her return home.

302.  Summer days at the beach.

303. Summer sunsets on the Coast with family and friends.

304.  The privilege of being selected to attend a photography meet with Gold Coast Tourism.

305.  My youngest son Ben's University Graduation.

306.  A new Pain Specialist to add to my current medical team; new treatments, new pathways, new hope.

307.  An early diagnosis of a chronic heart condition thanks to my Cardiologist.

308.  The unfailing love and support of my husband, Michael.

309.  Celebrating my 50th birthday over the next few days with family.

310.  Embarking on a wonderful trip to Los Angeles, Seattle & an Alaskan Cruise; thanks to my wonderful parents. Leaving Australia on my birthday (Thursday 30th April).

Linking up with these memes:

Macro Monday: Thorns amongst Roses

It's hard to imagine that a bush with thorns like this:

Can produce such beauty & softness as this:

I am amazed & grateful for the beauty of God's creation everyday!


Linking with: Macro Monday @ Lisa's Chaos

Scripture & A Snapshot #3

Last Thursday, my husband and I took an impromptu drive up into the D'Aguilar Range, north-west of Brisbane. It is a beautiful National Park area with remote gorges, open eucalypt woodlands, gum forests, subtropical rainforests, spectacular views and plenty of wildlife.

Here is one of the beautiful views taken from Jolly's Lookout.

As I looked out on this beautiful scenery, I was reminded of God's unfailing love, His incredible patience, His blessing of grace and His great faithfulness that is extended to us. We don't deserve it, but He gives it anyway.

This particular day marked a HUGE turning point for my husband and I in our relationship. And what better way to spend the afternoon than time alone enjoying & marvelling at God's creation.

Thanking Him for:

37.     For the blessing of new found friendships.

38.     For beauty all around.
39.     For drives in the mountains.
40.     For laughter.
41.     For reconciliation with loved ones.
42.     For new beginnings.
43.     For forgiveness.
44.     For His love, patience, grace and faithfulness even though we don’t deserve it.

Linking with:

        

Scripture & A Snapshot #2

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,"

Psalm 23:2 (NIV)

Just Let Me Say

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27 (NKJV)

Sometimes we find ourselves in a "desert experience" - in a place where there seems to be no hope, no peace, no comfort, no joy. Many years ago, when my ex-husband left me to raise my children alone, I found myself in such a place - lost, alone, heartbroken. It was through the ministry of music (mostly songs written by Geoff Bullock & Hillsong Church) that I found God's peace, comfort, courage, joy, hope and the strength to rise up and forge ahead as a single Mum raising 4 young children.

Now again, through many obstacles and much adversity this year, I find myself in the "desert" again - my health is at it's worst, my prodigal son along with his young son seems gone for good, my daughter's illness seems to be at it's worst and my new marriage seems to be falling apart. I find myself in a place where I am struggling to hold on to my faith in God - the very thing that brought me through my first desert experience.

Tonight I was reminded of a song which I listened to many, many times in that first desert experience - Just Let me Say written by Geoff Bullock. Tomorrow I shall pull out those old but inspiring CDs in the hope to find God's peace, comfort, courage, joy, hope and the strength I need to stand strong and believe for restoration in my life and in the lives of those I hold dear.

The photo below symbolises a place of peace. That is what I need and what I desire first and foremost.

Just Let Me Say. by Geoff Bullock

Just let me say how much I love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in the shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face
And the earth will shake as Your Word goes forth
And the heavens can tremble and fall
But let me say how much I love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and friend

Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your Spirit's flame
Let me find You in the desert
'Til this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You, my Lord and friend

So let me say how much I love You
With all my heart I long for You
For I am caught in this passion of knowing
This endless love I've found in You
And the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
To be called a child of God
Just makes me say how much I love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and friend
Just makes me say how much I love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and friend
 

Thank you for bearing with me...

The Creative Exchange: Wellington Point

On the way home from an appointment this afternoon, I drove to one of my favourite places by the bay near where I raised my children. I had packed my camera and the plan was to stop at Wellington Point Reserve, on Moreton Bay, to take some photos around the jetty, the bay and also to stay and capture the sunset over the water. All photos are SOOC.

On the weekends and in school holidays, Wellington Point is a haven for fishing, boating and various water sports.

I spotted a Brahminy Kite soaring in the sky, as they typically do. I was very happy with this capture as I am quite partial to photographing birds.

On the weekends, the jetty is full of fishermen & kids. It was rather deserted this afternoon.

A lone sail boat out on the beautiful clear water with North Stradbroke Island in the background.

Massive Moreton Bay Fig trees provide a fantastic natural playgound for children who like to climb.

A perfect day to be paddling in the water as the tide comes in.

At low tide you can walk out on the sand spit to nearby tiny King Island to investigate this unique conservation area, or visit Wellington Point Conservation Wetland. Though the tide was on the way in by this stage.

As the tide came in, the sun began to set over the clear, calm waters of the bay.

 A man & his "best friend" enjoy the beautiful sunset.

There is something so beautiful & amazing about a sunset! What a beautiful way to enjoy the end of a lovely warm Spring day.
(Yes, it's Spring in Australia!)

 

"When I admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the Creator." ~ Mahatma Ghandi

I am grateful today for beautiful weather and another opportunity to appreciate God's creation.

I plan to go back later this week with my youngest daughter for some more photography.

Linking with Lisa Gordon Photography: The Creative Exchange Oct 10-14th

Thanks Lisa! This is one of my favourite link-ups.

Scripture & A Snapshot #1

Today I went out for a short walk armed with my camera, of course. I wish I could walk for longer but, since my car accident almost 2 years ago, my walks are dictated by pain levels and doctors orders. The sole reason for my walk today was to get some new bird shots to go with my chosen scripture. I was a little disappointed as the birds were not as cooperative as I would have liked. However, I managed to snap a few.

Take Heart: The Practice of Hope

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!"
Psalm 31:24 (AMP)

When I was raising my 4 children alone for so many years, God was my rock, my constant source of comfort, peace, strength, courage, faith, hope, love, joy and grace.

Every day, I am reminded to place my trust in Him, to hold on to hope and take courage again.

Each day, I am reminded to look for things to be grateful for - amongst the struggles of living with chronic illness, wondering how (and where) my prodigal son is  & worrying about my youngest daughter who is consumed by an incidious disease.

I thank God that my two other children, my oldest daughter & youngest son, are healthy, happy and reasonably settled.

Each day, I find the strength to look beyond the things that could so easily consume my life, my thoughts and steal my joy.

I constantly have to come back to the knowledge that God has walked beside me for all these years and that he has continually blessed me.

Some days I am easily discouraged, and I often listen to the song “Take Heart” by Hillsong. The bridge says:
 
“All our troubles, And all our tears, God our hope, He has overcome.

All our failure, And all our fear, God our love, He has overcome.

All our heartache, And all our pain, God our healer, He has overcome.

All our burdens, And all our shame, God our freedom, He has overcome.

God our justice, God our grace, God our freedom, He has overcome.

God our refuge, God our strength, God is with us, He has overcome.”

 
No matter what our circumstances, no matter how impossible things seem, no matter how discouraged we may become, He has overcome & He is our hope.

But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more.
Psalm 71:14 (AMP)

A Future and a Hope

I must say this challenge by Ann Voskamp, author of "One Thousand Gifts", could not have come at a better time.

On a day when I felt all hope was lost, I am again challenged by Ann and others in this "community" to look beyond the circumstances that distract us from keeping our eyes on Him.

Today, my fears became reality and I felt all hope was lost. My daughter is terribly ill, and the realisation REALLY hit me more than ever before, that there is nothing I can do to help her. My heart aches for her and I felt God had abandoned me, abandoned her. But a reminder that God is listening came in the form of a blog post from Ann. My eyes were off Him for a moment as I allowed the situation to overwhelm me. BUT He drew me back to Him and I am reminded of the poem, "Footprints".

"During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

I am also reminded of the scripture I have held on to for so many years:

"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

So again I am grateful to Him. As one day ends, another begins... In Him I have hope.

Feel free to read the beginnings of my own 1000 Gifts - Gratitude Journal